Journaling, I love it. I have a drawer full of journals just waiting to be read after I am no longer here. There is something cathartic about writing down your thoughts when you feel like your world is falling apart. My journey through the written word began during a time of great distress, a time of personal heartache and pain when my oldest granddaughter, who is 17 now but who was 2 at the time, was moved three thousand miles away from me. This may seem like a small thing to some but you should understand that I had played a major role in raising her up to that point. It was as if my own child had been ripped out of my arms and I had no idea when I would ever see her again. Praying became difficult. My mind could not seem to get past the pain long enough to pray in any meaningful way. My thoughts were all over the place and prayer seemed like a futile effort. After many days of feeling that my prayers could not possibly make any sense to God, they certainly didn't to me, (how little I understood of his awesome power) it came to me that perhaps if I would write down my feelings I would be able to tell God exactly what I needed.
And so it began. I filled journal after journal, pouring out my heart, writing down my most urgent needs and feeling better with each entry. I was onto something, I thought it was all my idea but of course had I really thought about it I would have realized that God himself had put the pen in my hand. Did he need me to write to him, of course not, he knew my sorrow before a word was written but he also understood that I needed to communicate with him, to feel comforted by him and if writing my prayers would allow me to do that then God himself would show me how. What I couldn't seem to organize in my thoughts was very easy to organize when pen was put to paper. Thank you Father.
Many journals and several years later I have stopped being so diligent about writing down my prayers and once again I am struggling to organize my thoughts. So as of this day I am going to begin anew the journey of journaling.
Prayer is a powerful tool, one we should utilize on a daily basis, for just as our bodies need regular cleansing so do our minds. We think nothing of scrubbing the dirt and filth off of our outer being but what of our inner soul? I don't know about you but this woman is a sinner saved by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ. Everyday I need him but not everyday do I call on him. Some days my prayers are no more then a cursory attempt at communing with God. I need to be more disciplined, for my own welfare and peace of mind. Afterall, he knows when I am making a halfhearted effort. I think it must be something like being the parent of an adolescent, (albeit on a much, much grander scale) we care so deeply about our children and want to help them but they ignore us and brush us off as if we don't matter. Trying to get them to talk to us is next to impossible and even though we know we can help them they leave us out and try to solve their problems on their own.
When my heart is broken he can mend it, when my world is upside down he can set it right again, when the cares and burdens of my daily life threaten to drown me he can keep me from going under. He IS the Alpha, Omega, the beginning and the end, he is the way the truth and the life and no one gets to the Father but by him. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Why is it, that when a loved one is in trouble, we exhaust every avenue trying to help them ourselves before we call on the one who knows just what to do? We keep God tucked away in a box pulling him out only when we realize WE cannot fix the problem. In the mean time we have suffered countless hours, days or weeks of needless pain and heartache, all because of pride.
Prayer, it is the best tool in the tool box. I feel quite sure, if I use it, God will fix me.