Thursday, February 3, 2011

I Know You're There Lord

My day started out uneventfully, which is a good thing, who needs excitement the moment you open your eyes? I allowed myself the luxury of just lying in bed for a few moments, thinking about what God had in store for me this day. I said a brief prayer for the resolution of a major heartbreak concerning our sixteen year old granddaughter, Taylor, who has been going through some pretty rough times, uttered a few other requests, and got out of bed to retrieve my IPad. Then, with the aforementioned techno item in hand, I stepped up (I have one of those high beds that require stairs) got back in my bed, pulled up the cover and settled in to check my email. So much for relaxing and uneventful!

As I scanned the list of emails one name suddenly stood out like a blinking neon sign and I knew at that instant my day was about to become riddled with angst over the above mentioned situation with my granddaughter. No longer feeling upbeat I went into Mama bear mode (gotta thank Sarah Palin for that metaphor) and started typing out a reply to this person's email, (I need to mention here that though this person's name gave me cause for concern, she is trying to help and I am grateful to her) which takes so much longer on my IPad than it does on my computer but nevertheless, I did the hunt and peck until I managed to respond in a fairly comprehensible manner. Quite a trick, really, considering I was not thinking clearly at this point.

Now the adrenaline was pumping and all I could think about was rescuing this child I have loved so dearly since the day she was born. This is a battle that has been raging in our family for some time now and for the first couple of years I struggled terribly. I was consumed by my desire to fix everything so that she wouldn't have to suffer. It took some counseling and a lot of prayer to realize 'I' couldn't fix it, no matter that I wanted to, it simply was not in my power to do so. I have gotten better but I cannot deny that  my first reaction, when things like this happen, is to try to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

However, God in his wisdom has taught me to remain calm and to wait, listening for that still small voice whispering in my ear "I am the Lord your God, I will never leave you or forsake you".  "Be still and know that I am God."

Oh Father, I have grown so weary of this struggle and I need to see a bright spot so that I know Taylor is safe. I need to be shown clearly what it is we are to do because I honestly don't know. Are we to go get her, are we to wait for her mother to do the things necessary to make the transition easier, or are we to wait to see if our son will go get her? Lord I need clarification, I need peace to be able to fight the good fight as I wait for the answers. I am trying Father, but you know my weaknesses, I cannot hide anything from you, so please Lord show me what to do and what not to do.

Father, you know Taylor's circumstances, you know her pain, you know how unloved she feels, Lord I pray you will touch her life in such a way that she has no question that it is you working in her life. I pray for her dad and her mom, that you would open their eyes to the reality of the depth of pain they have caused her. I know, Lord, that she needs to accept responsibility for her actions and so I pray she will see that and realize she can have peace, that there is hope for a more normal life if she would just come home. Ideally, I would like her to want to live with her dad again because she loves him so much and they need to heal the wounds between them, but Lord you know what is best and so I trust in you to work this out. Thank you, Abba Father, for listening to my petition. It is in the name of Jesus I ask these things. Amen

Father, give me faith like Joseph
that even in the darkest day
I’ll feel your hand to guide me
assuring me this is your way
A faith that leads me through sorrow
guiding each step that I take
faith to rise o’er the ruin
of shattered dreams and mistakes

Father, give me Joseph’s courage
when I feel like giving up
your strength will fill this vessel
as I drink the bitter cup
A courage fierce, overwhelming
upholding in all I do.
Courage born from deep within
that only comes through you.

Father, give me Joseph’s vision
to see beyond my plight
to brighter times born of sorrow
and days that seemed endless night
A vision that is not of my eyes
but from your lens of desire
that I know the road to travel
when confronted by the fire.

Father, I need Joseph’s kindness
when loved ones turn on me.
Help me to feel forgiveness
no matter where their hearts may be.
Kindness to feel compassion
even when my hurt is deep
knowing their soul may be troubled.
Forgiveness, that I may sleep.

Father, give me Joseph’s wisdom
To know you are in control
and see the schemes of others
never reach beyond your goal.
A wisdom only you can give.
Lead me through the shadowland,
through all the trials and sorrows
content I am in your plan.

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