Did you ever think there are somethings that could never happen to you? Without going into detail something occured in my life today, which affected me in such a way, that I no longer feel as invisible as I once did. Invisible in the sense that I would never show up on anyone's radar because, in my estimation, I lead a pretty average life, boring by some standards and if not boring at least pretty low key in comparison to many. A party animal I am not. My idea of fun, aside from being with family, traveling, or being with friends is staying home and watching a good movie.
Honest, trustworthy, loyal, compassionate, loving, dependable, these are all characteristics of the kind of person I strive to be and although at times I falter (I am not perfect) these are still a big part of who I hope I am and how I pray others think of me. But.....today I felt that certain aspects of this person I try so hard to be were being called into question and I have to say it was not a pleasant feeling, as a matter of fact it left me quite sick to my stomach. It was unsettling to say the least. I know who I am, I know my heart, but it is a terrible feeling to have someone think differently of me when they really don't even know me, at all.
So I had to ask myself, how did this happen, how did I ever wind up in this position and when all is said and done how is this going to impact my life?
I've been telling myself all day that I'm fine but in reality I am rather shaken up. I did not ever think this would happen to me. Perhaps it is a wake up call from God letting me know that sometimes I am a little too naive for my own good.
Father, I am so grateful that during this time of extreme stress I know you are there. Thank you for the gift of your Son, Jesus. Thank you Jesus for going to the cross, for shedding you blood, for taking my pain upon yourself so that I could oneday see you face to face. No greater love then this has ever been shown since the day you died on Calvary's hill. Thank you, Lord, thank you.
You have been active in my life for so many years that to not rely on you would be foolish. You are the author of truth, you alone know what is best for me and my family. What would my life be like without you? If it would be anything like this past Sunday morning I would just throw in the towel, the fight would be over, so hopeless and helpless would I be. The author of lies tried to get a foothold in my mind and I left myself wide open. How empty I felt, how frightened I was and all because I would not just be still and listen for your voice. I had thrown open the door to my mind and put up an open house sign, which is a dangerous thing to do, you just don't know who might come walking through that door. That was a feeling I pray I never experience again.
So Father, first I am asking that you forgive this sinner once again. Do I deserve such kindness, I think not, but thankfully I am not you who is able to cast my sins into the depths of the sea and remember them no more. I am asking for the strength and insight to do what is right whenever I am tested, to speak the truth in all things and to trust you to steady me when I am shaken.
Lord, you know my heartfelt prayers for my son and my granddaughter, you know their needs, I rest them in your care trusting that you will work your perfect will in their lives in your time, not mine. I have asked for big changes in their lives, for their good, for their welfare and most of all for their salvation.
I pray for my daughter and her family, they have all been very sick this week with colds and fevers so I ask that they be healed quickly. Thank you Father for the way you have been working in Tracy's life for so many years, this is proof to me that miracles still happen. I saw how you changed her, almost instantly from the troubled woman she was into this confident, intelligent, loving wife and mother she is today. I am more grateful than words can express.
I ask that you would be with Caterina as she goes through her life. Be by her side guiding and directing her. Let her feel your presence in an unmistakeable way so that she too comes to have a more personal relationship with your Son. I have not been a very good example even though I wanted to be. Help me to do better, to not be a hindrance but to be a witness to the power of Christ in a person's life.
I lift up Laura to you Father. To say this situation has not been difficult would be a lie, you know that, but she is your child also and you love her. Touch her life, let her feel you near. I pray that she and Chris would desire to have Taylor back in their lives and that they would do what is good for her regardless of how it affects their life as a couple. Taylor will be eighteen in15 months and able to be on her own, if that is her desire, but for now she needs a family and to feel loved without limits. Mostly, I pray Taylor truly wants to come home for all of the right reasons.
Be with Denise and Curt, give them a wonderful time of rest on their anniversary cruise and bring them back safe and ready to go about their daily routine.
Now Lord before I close I would lift up Bob Fagan. Bring him back to full health and be with his family as they go back and forth to the hospital to visit with him. Be with the session and Rev. Lou as they try to work out the issues that are plaguing them so that we can get on about the business of being a church family again, with Rev. Lou as our T.E. We would all miss him and do not want to see him and his family go. For all of those, in the church body, who have recently lost loved ones I pray for your peace to settle over them during these difficult times.
Be with Elaine as she undergoes cataract surgery this week. Guide the doctor's hands and give her good results.
Thank you Father for listening to my prayers, over and over, and not giving up on me.
I ask these things according to your will in the name of the one who died for me, Jesus Christ. AMEN