Thirty five hours until the first chemo treatment. I think I am experiencing the calm before the storm. Keith is prepared and is approaching this challenge like he approaches just about everything, it has to be done and therefore, he will do it. I am feeling fairly calm but still would like nothing better than to stop this ride, let Keith off and steer the thing back to Pre-lymphoma days. I pray that God gives us both an extra measure of peace as we head out the door on Monday morning. Mostly though, I pray that Keith is one of those people who do not experience nausea. But whatever happens, after the chemo, we will come home and get on with the business of living. This will be a completely new experience for both of us. Certainly it is one we’d rather not go through, but God has brought it into our lives for a purpose. I’m not sure we will ever know why but in the scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. Sitting around trying to figure out why is a waste of time and time, I have learned very quickly, is too precious.
Sunday December 11th
Church is where the Lord lives. I can see him in the faces of those who love him. I can hear him in the voice of everyone who says they are praying for us. Every time someone wraps me in a hug I can feel his presence. I have to admit there have been times, in the past four years, that I wasn’t so sure that church was his dwelling place. Was God really there? Did he really care that I was hurting so much? In my heart I always knew he had never forsaken me but the evil one was waging a war for my soul, of that I am convinced. Isn’t that what Satan does, try to steal us away from the one who created us, the God who loves us so much…“that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16)? After years of being a lukewarm Christian and running from what I know to be true I feel as though Jesus whispered in my ear “My precious, precious child, I have always been here, loving you through your doubts and fears. I will walk with you through your husband’s illness. I will be holding your hand while you are holding his. I love you, I died for you. Trust in me. I AM GOD.” This experience has renewed my faith. God forgive me for not giving you my all. This battle is yours and we will cling to that knowledge in the hope that whatever the outcome we will be able to say “Thank you Father for drawing us closer to you and for giving us the strength to get through this journey.”
God knows you never asked for this
but He’s there to help you through,
and even when you feel alone
He still is there with you.
There is no heartache, pain or fear,
unfamiliar to the one,
who sacrificed for all mankind
His only begotten Son.
He sees the valley you’re walking,
and the mountain in your way
and He knows the path’s not easy
but He’ll help you through each day.
He knows all that there is to know
and what you’re going through
and though you cannot see Him
He’s walking close to you.
Fear not what the future holds,
our God can see it all
and He is more then able
to catch you when you fall.
Trust in Him as you face this foe,
there is nothing He can’t do.
Let the creator of all mankind
give His lasting peace to you.