December 8, 2011
Yea, no cancer in the spinal fluid so no need to be concerned about what is going on in his head. Keith said he told the doctor he wasn't worried there was nothing up there...lol. Gotta love someone who can still see the humor even in the worst of situations. He has had a positive attitude since day one. This is who he is and I feel blessed to know that God put him in my life. The way he treated all of the staff at the hospital was not only fun to watch but truly reflected his philosophy of life as well. He was the epitome of the Boy Scout code with a healthy dose of humor thrown in for good measure. I am very proud to be his wife, I only wish it hadn't taken something like this for me to tell him.
As I write this he is sleeping, worn out from a very long day at the oncologist's office. It was a day filled with questions and answers, which Keith processed and compartmentalized allowing him to separate, catalogue and store all the bits of information so that he can find it when needed. While I, on the other hand, was left feeling like it was all loose in my brain, bouncing around the basal ganglia, which was simply not able to coordinate all the info. Men are able to pick and choose what to think about and deal with and are capable of putting anything, which is unnecessary at that particular moment, away in a neat little box in their head to be dealt with later. Sometimes I wish I was a man, not often, but sometimes.
He is lying beside me sleeping like a baby. How, oh how, does he do that? I am glad he is able to rest, though, because he needs to recharge his batteries after this past week and a half. I will remain awake until my eyes start to cross and focusing becomes a problem at which time my finger will fall on any given key stringing out an endless row of that particular letter. That is the point where I surrender to the rejuvenating power of sleep. This has been my routine for quite some time and even more so over the past four weeks. But it's okay, I have always been a late night person, and at times like this it is a blessing. The cross eyed moment I referred to has arrived so before my words turn into dddddddd or yyyyyyyy I guess I'll stop for now and finish this tomorrow. Good night all!
Here it is December 9th and we have just returned from a short trip to the store for some 'Chemo clothes', which translates into something comfortable to sit around in for hours at a time. So, anyway we conquered that task and then found ourselves at The Olive Garden enjoying a wonderful meal. It was a welcome respite from a bone wearying week. For the first time since Keith's diagnosis, life seemed normal, albeit briefly. After spending the previous day at the Weinberg Cancer Center this was definitely a better day. By four o'clock we were home, tired and ready for a nap. I had decorated the house before any of this happened so I plugged in the tree and the garlands and we settled into our living room chairs, kicked back and dosed off for a little while. By six fifteen we were awake and on our way to pick up my mom from my sister's house. As much as I love her not having to think about her needs, for a change, was a huge relief.
My mom is in bed, Keith is asleep and I am, well it's obvious what I am doing...lol. Keeping this journal helps me to cope with the unknown and right now there is a lot of unknown with which to cope. We are trying to take this one day at a time and praying for God to give us the strength to do whatever is necessary for Keith to be free of this disease. So, I will continue to record our journey knowing that some who read it will keep us lifted in prayer, some will follow sheerly out of curiosity and still others may lose interest entirely. But which ever you may be I pray that this will open your eyes to just how unpredictable life can be and that you will see the true value of your loved ones without having to go through something like this in order to come to that realization.
Time to turn out the lights cause the eyes are crossing and my brain is shutting down for the night, tomorrow is another day. We will wake up, put our feet on the floor and move forward one step at a time. Life goes on whether you're crying or laughing. I'm sure I'll do both but I'm hoping to laugh more than cry. I'm good at both, how about you?