December 12, 2011
Keith is having his first chemo session and HE sends ME an e-card. What a guy! He is so used to caring about how things affect me that even during HIS health crisis he thinks of me. I've always known he was unselfish and now it is even more obvious. I am a fortunate woman.
We arrived at The Weinberg Cancer Institute at 8:00, registered and were taken back for Keith to begin the first of six treatments. The schedule, at this time, is one treatment every three weeks. According to how his body reacts to the chemicals this could change. Hopefully, there will be no set backs and he will finish sometime near the end of March.
As usual, he started joking with the nurse, exhibiting his typical persona, the minute we were shown into the chemo area. His particular nurse was pleasant enough but it seemed she was not one to appreciate his sense of humor. Perhaps it's because of the seriousness of her job but if I had to work with people who were fighting for their lives I would think a sense of humor would be a very good asset. Laughter is contagious and in an atmosphere where one's immune system is not functioning at its highest level, it is the only thing you would want to catch. I don't mean to sound like I'm judging her, after all chemo is serious business, I guess I need laughter so much right now that I figure everyone else does also. Any way, after Keith was seated in his chair the nurse proceeded to ask him the standard plethora of questions one is asked while being prepared for a procedure, have you ever had this, are you allergic to that, do you have a cold, did you ever......yada, yada, yada? After the third degree was over she attached the line to his Port and gave him the anti-nausea medicine that is supposed to head off any bouts of the heaves. He then told me, in so many words, to get out...lol. I was ready to camp out for a while but he insisted I leave, so with my feelings crushed (just kidding) I kissed him good bye and left to run some errands. Around 1:30pm after some shopping and a stop at Panera for a cup of coffee and a bear claw (yum) I called to see how he was holding up. He answered in his typical cheery voice and said he was good but would still be a couple of hours. So, off I went to try to get a little more accomplished while the opportunity presented itself. Christmas presents may not be high on my list of priorities this year but there are some things that need to be done and I decided to take advantage of the moment. When three thirty rolled around I found myself back at the Weinberg Cancer Institute where Keith was finishing up his last round of chemo for the day. He seemed fine, but tired, and ready to go home, which is exactly what we did. The remaining hours of 'Chemo- Day One' are a blur but suffice it to say much of the evening, aside from preparing the meal provided by one of the caring ladies from church (Carol Williams we thank you) was spent doing as little as possible and that felt very good, very good indeed.
Oddly enough the whole day seemed fairly normal, at least from my perspective, partly due, I'm sure, to Keith's ability to treat the day like any other. I was almost able to forget that this day was only the beginning of this journey and that it will have to be repeated five more times.
I am grateful for the tiniest of blessings these days. Things that would have rattled me two weeks ago are, today, not even worth mentioning. God has a way of clarifying what is and is not important. There were moments, over the past few years, when my problems seemed to loom like Mt. Everest, plunging me into total darkness, but now those same issues cast a much smaller shadow. No more looming Mt. Everest for me the mountain has turned into the proverbial mole hill. How great is our God!
Winter will turn into Spring, by the time Keith's treatments are finished. That seems, somehow, very appropriate. Out with the old in the new. Each year I reach a point where I am sick of shivering and get antsy for the promise of Spring. I look forward to seeing the trees and the grass turning green and the flowers popping up from their winter slumber. The idea of throwing open the windows and breathing in the fresh Spring air thrills me down to my shivering toes. Witnessing new life, in all its forms, is a miracle. This year I am hoping to witness our own miracle, the new life Keith and I get to begin when he is free of this thing called cancer.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
This Battle Is Yours
December 10, 2011
Thirty five hours until the first chemo treatment. I think I am experiencing the calm before the storm. Keith is prepared and is approaching this challenge like he approaches just about everything, it has to be done and therefore, he will do it. I am feeling fairly calm but still would like nothing better than to stop this ride, let Keith off and steer the thing back to Pre-lymphoma days. I pray that God gives us both an extra measure of peace as we head out the door on Monday morning. Mostly though, I pray that Keith is one of those people who do not experience nausea. But whatever happens, after the chemo, we will come home and get on with the business of living. This will be a completely new experience for both of us. Certainly it is one we’d rather not go through, but God has brought it into our lives for a purpose. I’m not sure we will ever know why but in the scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. Sitting around trying to figure out why is a waste of time and time, I have learned very quickly, is too precious.
Sunday December 11th
Church is where the Lord lives. I can see him in the faces of those who love him. I can hear him in the voice of everyone who says they are praying for us. Every time someone wraps me in a hug I can feel his presence. I have to admit there have been times, in the past four years, that I wasn’t so sure that church was his dwelling place. Was God really there? Did he really care that I was hurting so much? In my heart I always knew he had never forsaken me but the evil one was waging a war for my soul, of that I am convinced. Isn’t that what Satan does, try to steal us away from the one who created us, the God who loves us so much…“that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16)? After years of being a lukewarm Christian and running from what I know to be true I feel as though Jesus whispered in my ear “My precious, precious child, I have always been here, loving you through your doubts and fears. I will walk with you through your husband’s illness. I will be holding your hand while you are holding his. I love you, I died for you. Trust in me. I AM GOD.” This experience has renewed my faith. God forgive me for not giving you my all. This battle is yours and we will cling to that knowledge in the hope that whatever the outcome we will be able to say “Thank you Father for drawing us closer to you and for giving us the strength to get through this journey.”
Thirty five hours until the first chemo treatment. I think I am experiencing the calm before the storm. Keith is prepared and is approaching this challenge like he approaches just about everything, it has to be done and therefore, he will do it. I am feeling fairly calm but still would like nothing better than to stop this ride, let Keith off and steer the thing back to Pre-lymphoma days. I pray that God gives us both an extra measure of peace as we head out the door on Monday morning. Mostly though, I pray that Keith is one of those people who do not experience nausea. But whatever happens, after the chemo, we will come home and get on with the business of living. This will be a completely new experience for both of us. Certainly it is one we’d rather not go through, but God has brought it into our lives for a purpose. I’m not sure we will ever know why but in the scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. Sitting around trying to figure out why is a waste of time and time, I have learned very quickly, is too precious.
Sunday December 11th
Church is where the Lord lives. I can see him in the faces of those who love him. I can hear him in the voice of everyone who says they are praying for us. Every time someone wraps me in a hug I can feel his presence. I have to admit there have been times, in the past four years, that I wasn’t so sure that church was his dwelling place. Was God really there? Did he really care that I was hurting so much? In my heart I always knew he had never forsaken me but the evil one was waging a war for my soul, of that I am convinced. Isn’t that what Satan does, try to steal us away from the one who created us, the God who loves us so much…“that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16)? After years of being a lukewarm Christian and running from what I know to be true I feel as though Jesus whispered in my ear “My precious, precious child, I have always been here, loving you through your doubts and fears. I will walk with you through your husband’s illness. I will be holding your hand while you are holding his. I love you, I died for you. Trust in me. I AM GOD.” This experience has renewed my faith. God forgive me for not giving you my all. This battle is yours and we will cling to that knowledge in the hope that whatever the outcome we will be able to say “Thank you Father for drawing us closer to you and for giving us the strength to get through this journey.”
God knows you never asked for this
but He’s there to help you through,
and even when you feel alone
He still is there with you.
There is no heartache, pain or fear,
unfamiliar to the one,
who sacrificed for all mankind
His only begotten Son.
He sees the valley you’re walking,
and the mountain in your way
and He knows the path’s not easy
but He’ll help you through each day.
He knows all that there is to know
and what you’re going through
and though you cannot see Him
He’s walking close to you.
Fear not what the future holds,
our God can see it all
and He is more then able
to catch you when you fall.
Trust in Him as you face this foe,
there is nothing He can’t do.
Let the creator of all mankind
give His lasting peace to you.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Life Goes On Whether You're Crying Or Laughing
December 8, 2011
Yea, no cancer in the spinal fluid so no need to be concerned about what is going on in his head. Keith said he told the doctor he wasn't worried there was nothing up there...lol. Gotta love someone who can still see the humor even in the worst of situations. He has had a positive attitude since day one. This is who he is and I feel blessed to know that God put him in my life. The way he treated all of the staff at the hospital was not only fun to watch but truly reflected his philosophy of life as well. He was the epitome of the Boy Scout code with a healthy dose of humor thrown in for good measure. I am very proud to be his wife, I only wish it hadn't taken something like this for me to tell him.
As I write this he is sleeping, worn out from a very long day at the oncologist's office. It was a day filled with questions and answers, which Keith processed and compartmentalized allowing him to separate, catalogue and store all the bits of information so that he can find it when needed. While I, on the other hand, was left feeling like it was all loose in my brain, bouncing around the basal ganglia, which was simply not able to coordinate all the info. Men are able to pick and choose what to think about and deal with and are capable of putting anything, which is unnecessary at that particular moment, away in a neat little box in their head to be dealt with later. Sometimes I wish I was a man, not often, but sometimes.
He is lying beside me sleeping like a baby. How, oh how, does he do that? I am glad he is able to rest, though, because he needs to recharge his batteries after this past week and a half. I will remain awake until my eyes start to cross and focusing becomes a problem at which time my finger will fall on any given key stringing out an endless row of that particular letter. That is the point where I surrender to the rejuvenating power of sleep. This has been my routine for quite some time and even more so over the past four weeks. But it's okay, I have always been a late night person, and at times like this it is a blessing. The cross eyed moment I referred to has arrived so before my words turn into dddddddd or yyyyyyyy I guess I'll stop for now and finish this tomorrow. Good night all!
Here it is December 9th and we have just returned from a short trip to the store for some 'Chemo clothes', which translates into something comfortable to sit around in for hours at a time. So, anyway we conquered that task and then found ourselves at The Olive Garden enjoying a wonderful meal. It was a welcome respite from a bone wearying week. For the first time since Keith's diagnosis, life seemed normal, albeit briefly. After spending the previous day at the Weinberg Cancer Center this was definitely a better day. By four o'clock we were home, tired and ready for a nap. I had decorated the house before any of this happened so I plugged in the tree and the garlands and we settled into our living room chairs, kicked back and dosed off for a little while. By six fifteen we were awake and on our way to pick up my mom from my sister's house. As much as I love her not having to think about her needs, for a change, was a huge relief.
My mom is in bed, Keith is asleep and I am, well it's obvious what I am doing...lol. Keeping this journal helps me to cope with the unknown and right now there is a lot of unknown with which to cope. We are trying to take this one day at a time and praying for God to give us the strength to do whatever is necessary for Keith to be free of this disease. So, I will continue to record our journey knowing that some who read it will keep us lifted in prayer, some will follow sheerly out of curiosity and still others may lose interest entirely. But which ever you may be I pray that this will open your eyes to just how unpredictable life can be and that you will see the true value of your loved ones without having to go through something like this in order to come to that realization.
Time to turn out the lights cause the eyes are crossing and my brain is shutting down for the night, tomorrow is another day. We will wake up, put our feet on the floor and move forward one step at a time. Life goes on whether you're crying or laughing. I'm sure I'll do both but I'm hoping to laugh more than cry. I'm good at both, how about you?
Yea, no cancer in the spinal fluid so no need to be concerned about what is going on in his head. Keith said he told the doctor he wasn't worried there was nothing up there...lol. Gotta love someone who can still see the humor even in the worst of situations. He has had a positive attitude since day one. This is who he is and I feel blessed to know that God put him in my life. The way he treated all of the staff at the hospital was not only fun to watch but truly reflected his philosophy of life as well. He was the epitome of the Boy Scout code with a healthy dose of humor thrown in for good measure. I am very proud to be his wife, I only wish it hadn't taken something like this for me to tell him.
As I write this he is sleeping, worn out from a very long day at the oncologist's office. It was a day filled with questions and answers, which Keith processed and compartmentalized allowing him to separate, catalogue and store all the bits of information so that he can find it when needed. While I, on the other hand, was left feeling like it was all loose in my brain, bouncing around the basal ganglia, which was simply not able to coordinate all the info. Men are able to pick and choose what to think about and deal with and are capable of putting anything, which is unnecessary at that particular moment, away in a neat little box in their head to be dealt with later. Sometimes I wish I was a man, not often, but sometimes.
He is lying beside me sleeping like a baby. How, oh how, does he do that? I am glad he is able to rest, though, because he needs to recharge his batteries after this past week and a half. I will remain awake until my eyes start to cross and focusing becomes a problem at which time my finger will fall on any given key stringing out an endless row of that particular letter. That is the point where I surrender to the rejuvenating power of sleep. This has been my routine for quite some time and even more so over the past four weeks. But it's okay, I have always been a late night person, and at times like this it is a blessing. The cross eyed moment I referred to has arrived so before my words turn into dddddddd or yyyyyyyy I guess I'll stop for now and finish this tomorrow. Good night all!
Here it is December 9th and we have just returned from a short trip to the store for some 'Chemo clothes', which translates into something comfortable to sit around in for hours at a time. So, anyway we conquered that task and then found ourselves at The Olive Garden enjoying a wonderful meal. It was a welcome respite from a bone wearying week. For the first time since Keith's diagnosis, life seemed normal, albeit briefly. After spending the previous day at the Weinberg Cancer Center this was definitely a better day. By four o'clock we were home, tired and ready for a nap. I had decorated the house before any of this happened so I plugged in the tree and the garlands and we settled into our living room chairs, kicked back and dosed off for a little while. By six fifteen we were awake and on our way to pick up my mom from my sister's house. As much as I love her not having to think about her needs, for a change, was a huge relief.
My mom is in bed, Keith is asleep and I am, well it's obvious what I am doing...lol. Keeping this journal helps me to cope with the unknown and right now there is a lot of unknown with which to cope. We are trying to take this one day at a time and praying for God to give us the strength to do whatever is necessary for Keith to be free of this disease. So, I will continue to record our journey knowing that some who read it will keep us lifted in prayer, some will follow sheerly out of curiosity and still others may lose interest entirely. But which ever you may be I pray that this will open your eyes to just how unpredictable life can be and that you will see the true value of your loved ones without having to go through something like this in order to come to that realization.
Time to turn out the lights cause the eyes are crossing and my brain is shutting down for the night, tomorrow is another day. We will wake up, put our feet on the floor and move forward one step at a time. Life goes on whether you're crying or laughing. I'm sure I'll do both but I'm hoping to laugh more than cry. I'm good at both, how about you?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
No Better Arms
December 7, 2011
Wait, wait and wait some more. We are certain Keith is going home today but the doctor has not written the release yet. His porte cath was inserted today so he is ready (as ready as one can be for this kind of thing) for his first chemo on Monday. He has been pretty tired all day, leftover effects of his twilight sleep, I suppose. At one point he was talking in his sleep and making all kinds of faces. Unfortunately, I couldn't make out a word he said, rats! You never know what little nuggets of information you might garner from a sleep talker. Blackmail comes to mind, lol!
We are both so ready to go home and try to resume some sort of normalcy. I am looking forward to a good night's sleep knowing he is back where he belongs. Then, tomorrow, we head to the oncologist for a discussion with the doctor, a chemo education class and a bone marrow test. Friday, Saturday and Sunday we get to relax, well he does, I still have my mom to tend to but that will be changing in the near future.
My sister is looking into places for her at the advice of her doctor. She needs more care then we are able to provide any longer. Though I feel sad for her I also know my efforts need to be concentrated on Keith and my mom can be very difficult at times due to her advanced stage of Alzheimer's. It won't be easy for any of us because we were hoping to keep her at home. Things change though and now we have to try to make the transition as easy as possible for her. I fear she will give up and lose any will to live, so prayers for her are much appreciated.
It is 4:15 as I write this and we are hoping to be out of here no later than six or seven. We shall see! Keith is reminding me that they have been saying he is going home since Monday. As far as I know there is no reason to keep him here any longer.
Keith is doing well. His sense of humor has not diminished, which is comforting, and it makes this an easier issue with which to deal. He seems ready to do what it takes to send this disease packing. Tomorrow we may learn a little more about what is going on in his body and find out if his course of treatment will be what the doctor told us it would be, on Monday, or if perhaps because of the pathology and lumbar puncture the treatment may be changed. At this time we have no reason to think it will change.
Tomorrow is a new day and we are going to face it together. God has given us this journey for a reason. On this side of the pearly gates it will remain a mystery but on the other side we will understand. God knows what he is doing and when we get to the place where it all makes sense it won't matter anyway because we will be home. For now, my prayer is that we can both be witnesses to the power of God and the fortitude of the human spirit. We will cast our cares upon the Lord and leave the outcome to the one who created us. He is carrying us through this, of that I am sure. There are no better arms in which to rest.
Wait, wait and wait some more. We are certain Keith is going home today but the doctor has not written the release yet. His porte cath was inserted today so he is ready (as ready as one can be for this kind of thing) for his first chemo on Monday. He has been pretty tired all day, leftover effects of his twilight sleep, I suppose. At one point he was talking in his sleep and making all kinds of faces. Unfortunately, I couldn't make out a word he said, rats! You never know what little nuggets of information you might garner from a sleep talker. Blackmail comes to mind, lol!
We are both so ready to go home and try to resume some sort of normalcy. I am looking forward to a good night's sleep knowing he is back where he belongs. Then, tomorrow, we head to the oncologist for a discussion with the doctor, a chemo education class and a bone marrow test. Friday, Saturday and Sunday we get to relax, well he does, I still have my mom to tend to but that will be changing in the near future.
My sister is looking into places for her at the advice of her doctor. She needs more care then we are able to provide any longer. Though I feel sad for her I also know my efforts need to be concentrated on Keith and my mom can be very difficult at times due to her advanced stage of Alzheimer's. It won't be easy for any of us because we were hoping to keep her at home. Things change though and now we have to try to make the transition as easy as possible for her. I fear she will give up and lose any will to live, so prayers for her are much appreciated.
It is 4:15 as I write this and we are hoping to be out of here no later than six or seven. We shall see! Keith is reminding me that they have been saying he is going home since Monday. As far as I know there is no reason to keep him here any longer.
Keith is doing well. His sense of humor has not diminished, which is comforting, and it makes this an easier issue with which to deal. He seems ready to do what it takes to send this disease packing. Tomorrow we may learn a little more about what is going on in his body and find out if his course of treatment will be what the doctor told us it would be, on Monday, or if perhaps because of the pathology and lumbar puncture the treatment may be changed. At this time we have no reason to think it will change.
Tomorrow is a new day and we are going to face it together. God has given us this journey for a reason. On this side of the pearly gates it will remain a mystery but on the other side we will understand. God knows what he is doing and when we get to the place where it all makes sense it won't matter anyway because we will be home. For now, my prayer is that we can both be witnesses to the power of God and the fortitude of the human spirit. We will cast our cares upon the Lord and leave the outcome to the one who created us. He is carrying us through this, of that I am sure. There are no better arms in which to rest.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Let's Do This!
December 5, 2011
We are still at the hospital but after Keith gets an echo cardiogram and a lumbar puncture, sometime tomorrow, we will be going home. Wednesday he will have his chemo port inserted, Thursday we meet with the oncologist for further discussion, chemo treatment education class, bone marrow test and Monday will be his first chemo treatment. Sounds like he and I will be rather busy for the foreseeable future.
When we met with the oncologist earlier today, I found him to be very informative, personable and he did not rush through our meeting. Keith and I have total confidence in his ability to determine the best course of action and we feel comforted by his willingness to spend time with us without making us feel rushed. I like knowing no question is too minor. He leaves me with the impression that he truly cares about helping his patients and not simply about making the almighty dollar. No one wants to go through this experience but if it is necessary it sure is nice to feel like you count as a person rather than a statistic.
Keith is moving around better everyday and his sense of humor is still in tact. We know we will be needing our sense of humor in the coming months but we are also aware that there will be moments, more than we'll probably like, that will not seem so laugh worthy. For now, we are trying to digest all of the information we were given pertaining to his diagnosis and treatment plan. Wow, overwhelming comes to mind but we will forge ahead and do what we have to do in order to get him well. We are taking a positive approach to this knowing that with God all things are possible. For now, I myself feel ready to do battle, to stay strong when my knees get weak and to be here for Keith. He has always been a fighter and I expect no less from him in the face of this challenge. Judging by the way he has handled this from the time he awoke from surgery, he expects no less from himself. God has been good to us throughout our marriage and we will continue to trust in him as we walk this road.
I can feel the prayers of so many lifting us up and it is that and God's love which keeps both of us going. There will be some tough times ahead, I'm sure of that, but I hope to help my husband, to support him in any way I can, to be his strength when he feels weak and to be the wife God has called me to be since the day we were married forty four years ago. I haven't always been the best wife but I always meant to be. I guess God is giving me another chance to be the wife Keith deserves. The commitment I made all those years ago remains as strong as ever, for better or worse, for richer for poorer and in SICKNESS and in health, this is my solemn vow. I am looking forward to many more years with him by my side. So sweetie, I know you will read this and I say let's do this!
Trust in me, even when you hurt and my grace will see you through
far beyond the stormy skies that overshadow you.
I’ll bring you to that sunny day that you have longed to see
when in your pain you call my name and place your faith in me.
We are still at the hospital but after Keith gets an echo cardiogram and a lumbar puncture, sometime tomorrow, we will be going home. Wednesday he will have his chemo port inserted, Thursday we meet with the oncologist for further discussion, chemo treatment education class, bone marrow test and Monday will be his first chemo treatment. Sounds like he and I will be rather busy for the foreseeable future.
When we met with the oncologist earlier today, I found him to be very informative, personable and he did not rush through our meeting. Keith and I have total confidence in his ability to determine the best course of action and we feel comforted by his willingness to spend time with us without making us feel rushed. I like knowing no question is too minor. He leaves me with the impression that he truly cares about helping his patients and not simply about making the almighty dollar. No one wants to go through this experience but if it is necessary it sure is nice to feel like you count as a person rather than a statistic.
Keith is moving around better everyday and his sense of humor is still in tact. We know we will be needing our sense of humor in the coming months but we are also aware that there will be moments, more than we'll probably like, that will not seem so laugh worthy. For now, we are trying to digest all of the information we were given pertaining to his diagnosis and treatment plan. Wow, overwhelming comes to mind but we will forge ahead and do what we have to do in order to get him well. We are taking a positive approach to this knowing that with God all things are possible. For now, I myself feel ready to do battle, to stay strong when my knees get weak and to be here for Keith. He has always been a fighter and I expect no less from him in the face of this challenge. Judging by the way he has handled this from the time he awoke from surgery, he expects no less from himself. God has been good to us throughout our marriage and we will continue to trust in him as we walk this road.
I can feel the prayers of so many lifting us up and it is that and God's love which keeps both of us going. There will be some tough times ahead, I'm sure of that, but I hope to help my husband, to support him in any way I can, to be his strength when he feels weak and to be the wife God has called me to be since the day we were married forty four years ago. I haven't always been the best wife but I always meant to be. I guess God is giving me another chance to be the wife Keith deserves. The commitment I made all those years ago remains as strong as ever, for better or worse, for richer for poorer and in SICKNESS and in health, this is my solemn vow. I am looking forward to many more years with him by my side. So sweetie, I know you will read this and I say let's do this!
Trust in me, even when you hurt and my grace will see you through
far beyond the stormy skies that overshadow you.
I’ll bring you to that sunny day that you have longed to see
when in your pain you call my name and place your faith in me.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
What A Team
Update: December 3, 2011
Three days after surgery Keith is doing pretty well. He is the Keith we all know, the one who always puts others first, makes it his business to put a smile on the face of anyone in his field of vision, is waiting for his next meal, although he has just finished his last one, and wants to be sure that he is caught up on any business in which he is involved. Every day brings improvement but he has a way to go before he is moving normally again. That's okay because I know he will give it his all. That is who he is!
I am, as usual, amazed at his ability to focus on the task before him, even though it may be daunting, with a positive attitude. He inspires me to dig deeper into myself to find that part of me where strength resides. Keith is a glass half full kind of guy where as I am, sad to say, a glass half empty type of gal. Not proud of that believe me. However, I am beginning to see that that is not the best approach to take.
There have been many times when I thought I couldn't handle one more setback and wondered why God would not give me a break only to have still another trial come along, as if God was saying, 'How dare you question what I am doing in your life and because you still don't get it here is one more trial'. The reality is God can do whatever he chooses and in his time the reason will be revealed. Well, I THINK I FINALLY GET IT GOD. You were preparing me to confront this latest and most difficult trial with an inner strength born from the labor pains of the past few years. Just as labor, though very painful at the time, gives birth to a new life full of promise and potential, the trials I have endured with heartache and tears have given birth to a new and stronger me. God knows what he is doing and I am determined to be the child he has called me to be. I will face this latest trial unafraid of traveling the bumpy road ahead, armed with the knowledge that he is able to keep me from stumbling, that he will be with me every step of the way and that he has given me a new found courage, which would not have been possible but for the lessons learned over the past few years. So, I will praise God through the storm and lock arms with my love as we face the foe together. Three against one. God, Keith and me. What a team.
Three days after surgery Keith is doing pretty well. He is the Keith we all know, the one who always puts others first, makes it his business to put a smile on the face of anyone in his field of vision, is waiting for his next meal, although he has just finished his last one, and wants to be sure that he is caught up on any business in which he is involved. Every day brings improvement but he has a way to go before he is moving normally again. That's okay because I know he will give it his all. That is who he is!
I am, as usual, amazed at his ability to focus on the task before him, even though it may be daunting, with a positive attitude. He inspires me to dig deeper into myself to find that part of me where strength resides. Keith is a glass half full kind of guy where as I am, sad to say, a glass half empty type of gal. Not proud of that believe me. However, I am beginning to see that that is not the best approach to take.
There have been many times when I thought I couldn't handle one more setback and wondered why God would not give me a break only to have still another trial come along, as if God was saying, 'How dare you question what I am doing in your life and because you still don't get it here is one more trial'. The reality is God can do whatever he chooses and in his time the reason will be revealed. Well, I THINK I FINALLY GET IT GOD. You were preparing me to confront this latest and most difficult trial with an inner strength born from the labor pains of the past few years. Just as labor, though very painful at the time, gives birth to a new life full of promise and potential, the trials I have endured with heartache and tears have given birth to a new and stronger me. God knows what he is doing and I am determined to be the child he has called me to be. I will face this latest trial unafraid of traveling the bumpy road ahead, armed with the knowledge that he is able to keep me from stumbling, that he will be with me every step of the way and that he has given me a new found courage, which would not have been possible but for the lessons learned over the past few years. So, I will praise God through the storm and lock arms with my love as we face the foe together. Three against one. God, Keith and me. What a team.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Give God A Giggle, Make Plans
Wednesday November 30, 2011.
If you want to make God laugh, make a plan. We've probably all heard that before and the fact is it seems to be true.
Keith was supposed to go for his biopsy on Monday December 5th but his condition deteriorated so quickly we found ourselves in the emergency room Tuesday afternoon. Since then he has undergone six hours of surgery on his back and it was discovered that he has lymphoma. We don't know the type or magnitude of involvement in his body, yet, but by Monday we should be much more informed. After we find out what we are dealing with we will make a plan of action with his oncologist. We are optimistic but realistic. For now, if the lymphoma is contained in the area of the tumor it is entirely possible it can be radiated and destroyed. This is our prayer.
Ordinarily, I would be ringing my hands and pacing the floor, in general an all out wreck. But I am at peace with this because I know that God is carrying us and this load of care we presently bear. There is no other explanation for the peace that has settled over me. Keith, is a pragmatic kind of guy, everything is black and white and he doesn't worry or fret. Instead he feels the best way to approach any issue is to deal with whatever comes up head on, focused and determined to do whatever is necessary.
The 'C' word, is one of those words you hope to never use in connection with yourself or your loved ones. This only happens to other people, right? Well obviously that is incorrect. So here we are getting prepared to fight the fight of our lives. God is our commander, he has laid out the battle plan and we will follow his orders because he has already determined the outcome. We are putting on the full armor of God.
No matter what the outcome of this fight we both rest in the knowledge that we have a heavenly Father who loves us and will be with us every step of the way. A God of love and compassion who will never leave us or forsake us. There is nothing in this mortal life that can even come close to the love of our Father in heaven.
The Great Physician
With human hands the doctor works, to heal his patient’s pain
but God performs the miracles no doctor can explain.
No mortal in this earthly realm will ever find the cure
for all the ills that plague the world, of that we can be sure.
But God can make a cripple walk and make a blind man see
and He can heal the deepest hurt that touches you or me.
How awesome is the God we serve whose power far outweighs
the knowledge learned by mortal men and only He displays.
A man may study medicine to benefit mankind
but God is the Physician and healing His design.
This vessel is not who we are, it’s but an outer shell
and doctored men of medicine cannot make all things well.
True healing is in God alone for He can touch the soul
and it is there that He begins to make the body whole.
So when you feel like giving up, and all you’ve tried has failed
cast your cares upon the cross, where Jesus love was nailed.
He loves you with a lasting love and waits for you to call
to ask Him to live in your heart, to catch you when you fall.
Once invited in your life, He’ll never leave your side
and when your time on earth is through with Him you will abide.
Jesus suffered on the cross to open Heaven’s door
to break the bond of sin and death so man would fear no more
Trials and sorrows you will face, but with you He will stay,
God promised to meet all your needs, on Resurrection day.
If you want to make God laugh, make a plan. We've probably all heard that before and the fact is it seems to be true.
Keith was supposed to go for his biopsy on Monday December 5th but his condition deteriorated so quickly we found ourselves in the emergency room Tuesday afternoon. Since then he has undergone six hours of surgery on his back and it was discovered that he has lymphoma. We don't know the type or magnitude of involvement in his body, yet, but by Monday we should be much more informed. After we find out what we are dealing with we will make a plan of action with his oncologist. We are optimistic but realistic. For now, if the lymphoma is contained in the area of the tumor it is entirely possible it can be radiated and destroyed. This is our prayer.
Ordinarily, I would be ringing my hands and pacing the floor, in general an all out wreck. But I am at peace with this because I know that God is carrying us and this load of care we presently bear. There is no other explanation for the peace that has settled over me. Keith, is a pragmatic kind of guy, everything is black and white and he doesn't worry or fret. Instead he feels the best way to approach any issue is to deal with whatever comes up head on, focused and determined to do whatever is necessary.
The 'C' word, is one of those words you hope to never use in connection with yourself or your loved ones. This only happens to other people, right? Well obviously that is incorrect. So here we are getting prepared to fight the fight of our lives. God is our commander, he has laid out the battle plan and we will follow his orders because he has already determined the outcome. We are putting on the full armor of God.
No matter what the outcome of this fight we both rest in the knowledge that we have a heavenly Father who loves us and will be with us every step of the way. A God of love and compassion who will never leave us or forsake us. There is nothing in this mortal life that can even come close to the love of our Father in heaven.
The Great Physician
With human hands the doctor works, to heal his patient’s pain
but God performs the miracles no doctor can explain.
No mortal in this earthly realm will ever find the cure
for all the ills that plague the world, of that we can be sure.
But God can make a cripple walk and make a blind man see
and He can heal the deepest hurt that touches you or me.
How awesome is the God we serve whose power far outweighs
the knowledge learned by mortal men and only He displays.
A man may study medicine to benefit mankind
but God is the Physician and healing His design.
This vessel is not who we are, it’s but an outer shell
and doctored men of medicine cannot make all things well.
True healing is in God alone for He can touch the soul
and it is there that He begins to make the body whole.
So when you feel like giving up, and all you’ve tried has failed
cast your cares upon the cross, where Jesus love was nailed.
He loves you with a lasting love and waits for you to call
to ask Him to live in your heart, to catch you when you fall.
Once invited in your life, He’ll never leave your side
and when your time on earth is through with Him you will abide.
Jesus suffered on the cross to open Heaven’s door
to break the bond of sin and death so man would fear no more
Trials and sorrows you will face, but with you He will stay,
God promised to meet all your needs, on Resurrection day.
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