February 27, 2012
As Keith and I continue on this journey we are bolstered every step of the way by God's unfailing love. He has enabled us to walk this path with the confidence that He is walking with us, sheltering us under His wing. It is very hard to give up when we know He is gently guiding us forward and ever on our side. So, we push ahead kicking the stones in our path aside confident that God will remove, from our path, the boulders we cannot budge. There is no better companion with whom to travel through life. Invite Him to travel life's road with you.
There is a lot to be said for the sense of peace and hope you get from knowing that God in heaven loves you. Even if you don't love him he loves you. Your name was known to him, before you were born, he's just waiting for you to call on him to give you the comfort for which your soul is crying out. Bad things in this life happen to all of us and make us question, "If there is a God why would he allow this to happen"? The truth is much of the time we will not get the answer in this lifetime but that is what trust and faith are all about. If you can see and touch something it is easy to trust in its existence and requires no faith.
Trusting in the creator, with a faith so deep it is unshakable is a life changing experience. There is so much cynicism in the world today that some people just cannot let themselves trust in a faithful God. I have seen so many lives changed for the better because they let the Lord take control. So, even if you say you're not religious at all, I think somewhere deep inside, your soul is crying out for that firm foundation to stand upon. God created you and he knows what you are going through and you don't have to go it alone. That is the key, all you have to do is use it to open the door to your heart and let him in.
I know, I know, easier said than done but if you've exhausted every avenue, because you've insisted on doing it your way, and you still feel alone, lonely, empty, unloved, abandoned, or betrayed what have you got to lose? You won't know how much God really loves you until you put your life in His hands and trust Him to fill the void in your life. Some think that accepting Christ means you will never have anymore problems and that life will forever be filled with happiness. Sorry, that's just not so. The difference is that no matter the problem you can confront it head on because you are not alone in your battle. God is your shield, your loving protector and though you may get bruised and battered He will never leave your side. He is your living stone against the Goliaths of this world.
Without God we are mere mortal human beings, full of distrust, anger, deceit, selfishness and pride, to name just a few of man's sinful characteristics. That is not the way to go through life and will only leave you feeling bitter and joyless. God did not create us to live empty, lonely lives but our sin cuts us off from Him until we call upon the one who died for us, the one whose blood poured out and whose body was broken on the cross of Calvary over two thousand years ago, Jesus Christ.
I accepted Jesus thirty one years ago and cannot imagine my life without Him. His sacrifice, for MY SINS and yours, was the greatest gift ever given to mankind.
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
The Best Is Yet To Be
February 17,2012
Time is passing quickly and Keith now has only two chemo treatments left. It is amazing how time flies. He is doing extraordinarily well and continues to meet this challenge head on. His positive outlook is a big part of his recovery, of that I am sure. However, I am even more certain that his abiding faith in God is what carries him through every area of his life. He is a man who walks his talk. Through out our marriage it has been one of his best traits. I have always been able to count on him and trust him to keep his word. It is a wonderful quality. We may not agree on everything (who does) but knowing you never need doubt your spouse's word is a very peaceful feeling. There is enough stress in life without the added burden of doubt.
Anyway, as I've said before this battle is the LORD's and we are both confident that He can and will do a mighty work no matter what the outcome.
Keith went back to work February 6th, which helps him to feel more like his old self. If it wasn't for his hair, or lack thereof, it would almost be possible to believe this isn't really happening, at least for me.
Two more treatments then a three to four week wait before the doctor orders a Pet/CT. After the scan we will know if the cancer is gone or if further procedures need to be done. If the cancer is gone he will be in remission. If at the end of five years there is no reoccurrence he will be considered cured. Until that time we will live life to the fullest and keep praying for this to be a distant memory.
But until we get the news, we are waiting to hear, we will do what is necessary for his healing. We know that God is in control and that He will never leave us or forsake us. With that in mind we will focus on the task at hand.
The journey, so far, has been a learning experience and has taught us how precious family is and whom we can truly call friends. I thank my God for the people in my life who know what agape love means and who love without limits. You are all blessing our lives immensely.
Right now we are planning a wonderful get away for when this is all over and we can relax. It feels good to have something positive for which to look forward. I have a feeling we will both find this to be one of the best vacations we've ever taken. The Lord willing we will be cruising the Mediterranean this coming fall and one of our ports of call is Kusadasi, Turkey, with an excursion to Ephesus. John the Apostle, it is believed, lived out his last days in this area as did Mary the mother of Jesus. How thrilling it is to think I could possibly tread where they once walked.
So, if all goes as well as we hope, this year we will be able to take a deep breath and continue to chase the dream;
“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'” Robert Browning
Time is passing quickly and Keith now has only two chemo treatments left. It is amazing how time flies. He is doing extraordinarily well and continues to meet this challenge head on. His positive outlook is a big part of his recovery, of that I am sure. However, I am even more certain that his abiding faith in God is what carries him through every area of his life. He is a man who walks his talk. Through out our marriage it has been one of his best traits. I have always been able to count on him and trust him to keep his word. It is a wonderful quality. We may not agree on everything (who does) but knowing you never need doubt your spouse's word is a very peaceful feeling. There is enough stress in life without the added burden of doubt.
Anyway, as I've said before this battle is the LORD's and we are both confident that He can and will do a mighty work no matter what the outcome.
Keith went back to work February 6th, which helps him to feel more like his old self. If it wasn't for his hair, or lack thereof, it would almost be possible to believe this isn't really happening, at least for me.
Two more treatments then a three to four week wait before the doctor orders a Pet/CT. After the scan we will know if the cancer is gone or if further procedures need to be done. If the cancer is gone he will be in remission. If at the end of five years there is no reoccurrence he will be considered cured. Until that time we will live life to the fullest and keep praying for this to be a distant memory.
But until we get the news, we are waiting to hear, we will do what is necessary for his healing. We know that God is in control and that He will never leave us or forsake us. With that in mind we will focus on the task at hand.
The journey, so far, has been a learning experience and has taught us how precious family is and whom we can truly call friends. I thank my God for the people in my life who know what agape love means and who love without limits. You are all blessing our lives immensely.
Right now we are planning a wonderful get away for when this is all over and we can relax. It feels good to have something positive for which to look forward. I have a feeling we will both find this to be one of the best vacations we've ever taken. The Lord willing we will be cruising the Mediterranean this coming fall and one of our ports of call is Kusadasi, Turkey, with an excursion to Ephesus. John the Apostle, it is believed, lived out his last days in this area as did Mary the mother of Jesus. How thrilling it is to think I could possibly tread where they once walked.
So, if all goes as well as we hope, this year we will be able to take a deep breath and continue to chase the dream;
“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'” Robert Browning
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Hope, Believe, TRUST
You know the drill, your life is going along peacefully, no troubles, no worries and because everything seems perfect you start to wonder when the bottom is going to drop out. We all go through trials, which mess up our perfect plans for our lives. Life is all about getting through them, and learning from them, without losing focus on what is truly important, God and His plan:
Psalm 139:1-7
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
For most of my life I believed happiness was the norm while trials were the exception. WRONG! It took many years and many trials to open my eyes to the truth. I used to go about my life as if happiness was my right and therefore, when something devastated me, I got all bent out of shape and angry at God. How could He do this to me? What did I do to deserve such misery? Why me? Wah, wah, wah! Then I came to the revelation, 'why not me'? What was so special about me that I shouldn't have problems? God created me, He knows me and the plan He has for me. Who am I to question God?
Over the years I've been through many trials, (who hasn't) some easily worked out, some took me to the brink of insanity but I am here today because God never let go of me. I am thankful for His wonderful mercy and Grace, which I do not deserve, but which is freely given.
The past twenty one months, Keith and I, have been given quite a few trials. My mom, who lives with us, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is a frail 86 year old who, at times, thinks she can take care of herself. There is no way she could ever live on her own. Her care defaults to us because she has lived with us 7 years. That is the viewpoint of some of my siblings and it is frustrating. Throughout her time with us there have been ups and downs but we've managed to give her a better quality of life then she would have received in a nursing home.
During the summer of 2011 Keith started suffering lower back pain, which limited his ability to walk and he grew progressively weaker by the day. One Sunday morning when he got out of the car he couldn't walk and fell flat on the macadam on a church parking lot. There would be no more waiting for his appointment to get here, I was taking him to the emergency room whether he liked it or not. He did not put up a fight, which told me he too realized the time for action had come. After a series of tests it was determined that he needed surgery, a tumor on his spine didn't look good. After eight hours in surgery I was informed that Keith had aggressive lymphoma. Sitting there in the empty waiting room I cried like a baby. Initially I thought, what am I going to do if this takes his life? We've been together forty five years and I'm not ready to be without him. Then I pulled myself together and prayed for God to be with us and a sense of peace enveloped me. From that moment forward, I knew, where Keith was concerned, that it was going to be alright.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
1 Peter 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
Deuteronomy 31:6
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
I have been amazed at the difference in my perspective since I gave it all to God and decided to trust Him. These trials are not over but I am confident I will not travel this road alone. When a worrisome thought enters my head I immediately give it to God, entrusting him with my problems. I no longer let myself dwell on the things that could otherwise destroy my physical and emotional health. These latest trials truly have shown me that having faith and trusting God are the only way to get through this life with my mind and soul in tact. I have burdens, like everyone, but mine are being carried by the LORD and that is an answer to my prayers. Praise God, He is my source of strength. Trusting God is amazing, absolutely amazing!
Psalm 139:1-7
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
For most of my life I believed happiness was the norm while trials were the exception. WRONG! It took many years and many trials to open my eyes to the truth. I used to go about my life as if happiness was my right and therefore, when something devastated me, I got all bent out of shape and angry at God. How could He do this to me? What did I do to deserve such misery? Why me? Wah, wah, wah! Then I came to the revelation, 'why not me'? What was so special about me that I shouldn't have problems? God created me, He knows me and the plan He has for me. Who am I to question God?
Over the years I've been through many trials, (who hasn't) some easily worked out, some took me to the brink of insanity but I am here today because God never let go of me. I am thankful for His wonderful mercy and Grace, which I do not deserve, but which is freely given.
The past twenty one months, Keith and I, have been given quite a few trials. My mom, who lives with us, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is a frail 86 year old who, at times, thinks she can take care of herself. There is no way she could ever live on her own. Her care defaults to us because she has lived with us 7 years. That is the viewpoint of some of my siblings and it is frustrating. Throughout her time with us there have been ups and downs but we've managed to give her a better quality of life then she would have received in a nursing home.
During the summer of 2011 Keith started suffering lower back pain, which limited his ability to walk and he grew progressively weaker by the day. One Sunday morning when he got out of the car he couldn't walk and fell flat on the macadam on a church parking lot. There would be no more waiting for his appointment to get here, I was taking him to the emergency room whether he liked it or not. He did not put up a fight, which told me he too realized the time for action had come. After a series of tests it was determined that he needed surgery, a tumor on his spine didn't look good. After eight hours in surgery I was informed that Keith had aggressive lymphoma. Sitting there in the empty waiting room I cried like a baby. Initially I thought, what am I going to do if this takes his life? We've been together forty five years and I'm not ready to be without him. Then I pulled myself together and prayed for God to be with us and a sense of peace enveloped me. From that moment forward, I knew, where Keith was concerned, that it was going to be alright.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
1 Peter 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
Deuteronomy 31:6
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
I have been amazed at the difference in my perspective since I gave it all to God and decided to trust Him. These trials are not over but I am confident I will not travel this road alone. When a worrisome thought enters my head I immediately give it to God, entrusting him with my problems. I no longer let myself dwell on the things that could otherwise destroy my physical and emotional health. These latest trials truly have shown me that having faith and trusting God are the only way to get through this life with my mind and soul in tact. I have burdens, like everyone, but mine are being carried by the LORD and that is an answer to my prayers. Praise God, He is my source of strength. Trusting God is amazing, absolutely amazing!
Monday, February 6, 2012
I'm Not Afraid To Use Them!
February 6, 2012
Well, here we are already two months from when this journey began. A lot has happened, much of it has been written about on this blog. I haven't posted any new entries, lately, due to the fact that things have been, mostly, uneventful. Keith has been feeling quite a bit better, walking without a limp; not having as much back pain; exercising a bit more control over his environment and in general acting more like his old self. These are all good things.
Today we go to get his labs done and meet with his oncologist. Next Monday he gets his fourth chemo, which leaves two more, and then four weeks after his last chemo he will get a PET/CT, which will show if there is any cancer left in his body. If there is none we get to hear the good news, for which, we have been waiting; YOU ARE IN REMISSION! That will be a great day.
We have felt God's presence throughout this difficult season in our lives. There have been some frightening moments; some bone wearying moments; some top of the mountain moments; and some deep in the valley moments, but through them all there has been a sense of peace that can only be explained by the presence of God. Looking back, I can see there was only one set of footprints in the sand, telling me that God has been carrying us all along. During the darkest days of this journey God showed us the way. Our world was shaken to its core, a 15 on the Richter scale, complete with super heated, bubbling, lava and only His presence could have prevented us from falling into the fissures. Thank you Father for your unfailing love and mercy.
The time has flown by, so far, and I hope it continues to do so. Knowing, that for the most part, [there will be years of follow up before he's considered cured] this will be behind us soon is a most pleasant thought. This whole experience has been, in its own way, a blessing. It has given me a new perspective on life, in general; what to value and what to dismiss. I have wasted far too much time in my life fretting over the inconsequential.
As it says in scripture;
Luke 12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?
God is pretty clear on this issue and yet time after time I seem to think my worrying will change the outcome of any given situation. You would think I would learn my lesson, well, think again! I take no pride in admitting that I fail this area of my life quite often. That is why in this present difficult time I am determined to lean on God's word and trust that He will oversee the outcome. At present we are enduring four separate trials and so far I haven't given into Satan's tricks. Oh, he knows my weaknesses and comes slithering into my life, entangling himself around my feet, just trying to trip me up. Not this time, not this time!
Genesis 3:15
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring[a] and hers;
he will crush[b] your head,
and you will strike his heel.”
I intend to crush his head! So, stay out of my life and away from my family because from here on out gone are the soft, fuzzy slippers and out come the steal tip boots! That's right, you heard me. I may be a woman but I DO have steal tip boots and I know how to use them. You have been warned!
Well, here we are already two months from when this journey began. A lot has happened, much of it has been written about on this blog. I haven't posted any new entries, lately, due to the fact that things have been, mostly, uneventful. Keith has been feeling quite a bit better, walking without a limp; not having as much back pain; exercising a bit more control over his environment and in general acting more like his old self. These are all good things.
Today we go to get his labs done and meet with his oncologist. Next Monday he gets his fourth chemo, which leaves two more, and then four weeks after his last chemo he will get a PET/CT, which will show if there is any cancer left in his body. If there is none we get to hear the good news, for which, we have been waiting; YOU ARE IN REMISSION! That will be a great day.
We have felt God's presence throughout this difficult season in our lives. There have been some frightening moments; some bone wearying moments; some top of the mountain moments; and some deep in the valley moments, but through them all there has been a sense of peace that can only be explained by the presence of God. Looking back, I can see there was only one set of footprints in the sand, telling me that God has been carrying us all along. During the darkest days of this journey God showed us the way. Our world was shaken to its core, a 15 on the Richter scale, complete with super heated, bubbling, lava and only His presence could have prevented us from falling into the fissures. Thank you Father for your unfailing love and mercy.
The time has flown by, so far, and I hope it continues to do so. Knowing, that for the most part, [there will be years of follow up before he's considered cured] this will be behind us soon is a most pleasant thought. This whole experience has been, in its own way, a blessing. It has given me a new perspective on life, in general; what to value and what to dismiss. I have wasted far too much time in my life fretting over the inconsequential.
As it says in scripture;
Luke 12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?
God is pretty clear on this issue and yet time after time I seem to think my worrying will change the outcome of any given situation. You would think I would learn my lesson, well, think again! I take no pride in admitting that I fail this area of my life quite often. That is why in this present difficult time I am determined to lean on God's word and trust that He will oversee the outcome. At present we are enduring four separate trials and so far I haven't given into Satan's tricks. Oh, he knows my weaknesses and comes slithering into my life, entangling himself around my feet, just trying to trip me up. Not this time, not this time!
Genesis 3:15
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring[a] and hers;
he will crush[b] your head,
and you will strike his heel.”
I intend to crush his head! So, stay out of my life and away from my family because from here on out gone are the soft, fuzzy slippers and out come the steal tip boots! That's right, you heard me. I may be a woman but I DO have steal tip boots and I know how to use them. You have been warned!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
I've Got A New Attitude...Or Hope Springs Eternal
January 29, 2012
Christmas is my favorite holiday. It is the only time of year when it actually seems that people throughout the world are united. I realize that, in truth, the problems that separate us are still there and world peace is never going to be achieved, at least not before God's ultimate plan comes to fruition but for one brief, shining, moment each year it seems possible. I am overcome by such a feeling of good will, peace, and gratitude for Christ's birth, that everything seems to fade into the background. However, this Christmas I allowed all of the heartaches, I've been dealing with, to steal the joy out of the season. I feel like I let God down once again and though I know He understands and forgives me, I am disturbed by my own lack of trust in His faithfulness. Many times throughout my life I have seen how He cares for me. There have been mountains too high to climb, chasms too deep and wide to cross, valleys entirely shrouded in shadow, which would have kept me captive to my own fears and unable to move forward, was it not for God. I forever remain in awe of His goodness and mercy. So, next Christmas, I will strive to be focused on the reason for the season (Jesus) and less on the woes of everyday life. After all, there will always be problems trying to crowd out the joy in my life, but the God who can bring all things to submission is able to handle my little inconveniences. In the big picture that is what they are, inconveniences, nothing more.
On to the new year, 2012. The many issues we were facing last year have not gone away but I am determined, with God's help, to get through them with a better focus and less self pity. Oh, I will have my moments but, hopefully, I will not allow the ruler of this world to lead me astray. He is out there trying to recruit new sycophants who will be at his beck and call, fawning all over him in the hope that serving him will lead to power and control. In truth it will lead to an existence forever lived in anguish, an ultimate, eternal death sentence. He doesn't stop there, he goes after God's children with his cocky attitude, so sure he can steal them out of His hands. Satan is shrewd, he presents himself in a way that appeals to the needs of whom ever he is trying to persuade, to give up on God, but if you are God's nothing or no one can remove you from His grasp. Satan may try, it's what he does, but when we know the Lord, his attempts are futile.
It is hard to understand how Lucifer who was God's most beautiful angel was not content to be who God created him to be, but wanted power, control, and to be worshipped. Apparently, he decided he should be above his own creator, that he knew more then God. I suppose none of us should be too smug about this since, in reality, isn't that what we try to do every day in some way or another? Throughout history has this not been one of man's biggest problems, control, power struggles, which on a much larger scale leads to wars? There will always be someone who thinks they are the most intelligent, worthwhile, and most powerful human being on the planet. Just look back on what Hitler did and more recently what Hussein and Khadafi did to their own people and it isn't hard to see that evil exists, that Satan is ever on the prowl.
1 Peter 5:8 New International Version (NIV)
8. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
That is why, I believe, we will never achieve world peace by anything we do but only through God's eternal plan.
My problems are minuscule, by contrast. Perhaps, God brought these things to mind so I would realize there are worse situations than mine. I know of no other reason I would even think about such things. Oh well, a new year has begun and I will do my best, with God to lead me, to look on whatever comes my way with an attitude of gratitude.
Keith's prognosis is favorable (yay), I have family who love me and whom I get to love, food, shelter and above all a Mighty God who cares for me. What more could I desire? I am a fortunate woman, indeed.
Christmas is my favorite holiday. It is the only time of year when it actually seems that people throughout the world are united. I realize that, in truth, the problems that separate us are still there and world peace is never going to be achieved, at least not before God's ultimate plan comes to fruition but for one brief, shining, moment each year it seems possible. I am overcome by such a feeling of good will, peace, and gratitude for Christ's birth, that everything seems to fade into the background. However, this Christmas I allowed all of the heartaches, I've been dealing with, to steal the joy out of the season. I feel like I let God down once again and though I know He understands and forgives me, I am disturbed by my own lack of trust in His faithfulness. Many times throughout my life I have seen how He cares for me. There have been mountains too high to climb, chasms too deep and wide to cross, valleys entirely shrouded in shadow, which would have kept me captive to my own fears and unable to move forward, was it not for God. I forever remain in awe of His goodness and mercy. So, next Christmas, I will strive to be focused on the reason for the season (Jesus) and less on the woes of everyday life. After all, there will always be problems trying to crowd out the joy in my life, but the God who can bring all things to submission is able to handle my little inconveniences. In the big picture that is what they are, inconveniences, nothing more.
On to the new year, 2012. The many issues we were facing last year have not gone away but I am determined, with God's help, to get through them with a better focus and less self pity. Oh, I will have my moments but, hopefully, I will not allow the ruler of this world to lead me astray. He is out there trying to recruit new sycophants who will be at his beck and call, fawning all over him in the hope that serving him will lead to power and control. In truth it will lead to an existence forever lived in anguish, an ultimate, eternal death sentence. He doesn't stop there, he goes after God's children with his cocky attitude, so sure he can steal them out of His hands. Satan is shrewd, he presents himself in a way that appeals to the needs of whom ever he is trying to persuade, to give up on God, but if you are God's nothing or no one can remove you from His grasp. Satan may try, it's what he does, but when we know the Lord, his attempts are futile.
It is hard to understand how Lucifer who was God's most beautiful angel was not content to be who God created him to be, but wanted power, control, and to be worshipped. Apparently, he decided he should be above his own creator, that he knew more then God. I suppose none of us should be too smug about this since, in reality, isn't that what we try to do every day in some way or another? Throughout history has this not been one of man's biggest problems, control, power struggles, which on a much larger scale leads to wars? There will always be someone who thinks they are the most intelligent, worthwhile, and most powerful human being on the planet. Just look back on what Hitler did and more recently what Hussein and Khadafi did to their own people and it isn't hard to see that evil exists, that Satan is ever on the prowl.
1 Peter 5:8 New International Version (NIV)
8. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
That is why, I believe, we will never achieve world peace by anything we do but only through God's eternal plan.
My problems are minuscule, by contrast. Perhaps, God brought these things to mind so I would realize there are worse situations than mine. I know of no other reason I would even think about such things. Oh well, a new year has begun and I will do my best, with God to lead me, to look on whatever comes my way with an attitude of gratitude.
Keith's prognosis is favorable (yay), I have family who love me and whom I get to love, food, shelter and above all a Mighty God who cares for me. What more could I desire? I am a fortunate woman, indeed.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
You Know That Emptiness You Feel?
January 17, 2012
Off to the WCI for a blood test and oncologist appointment. Keith appears to be doing very well so I am curious to see what his blood stats will show today.
He has been spending more time in his office over the last week and that is a very good sign.
I shall return!
January 18, 2012
I'm baaack!
Keith's blood work was great. We are both happy about that and feeling very positive about this battle. His third round of chemo is coming up Monday and it is not quite so scary, for me, this time. We realize there could still be setbacks but, given how he has handled the first two treatments, we are hopeful that the rest will go as smoothly.
In my darkest moments I have felt the presence of God carrying us through this journey. It has changed us both, and will probably continue to do so, but I feel far less fearful than I did, initially. I'm not sure Keith was ever fearful, he didn't let on if he was, he tends not to share that kind of thing. I truly believe that God will bring us out of this victorious. GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!
Keith is chomping at the bit to get back to work and hopes to start the beginning of February. I pray he is able to because I think it will help us both to feel like life is returning to normal. Of course normal is relative in our house. What is normal for us might seem a little 'out there' for others...lol.
Maybe, we can even start to plan our Mediterranean cruise again. What a joyous vacation that will be when Keith is CURED. Life should be lived as if you only have today. Show love, kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and love. Yes I know I said love twice that's because it is the most important, without love the rest mean nothing.
Some of you have traveled this road before us and understand the angst that comes with the journey. However, every ending is different in it's own way, whether your loved one was cured or went home to be with the Lord, there were tears of joy or sorrow. My sister lost her husband to cancer a few years ago and has been very understanding and helpful to me. Those who have lost a child to this dreadful disease, my heart goes out to you above all, no one wants to bury their child. Those who have lost spouses, parents or siblings are stronger than many but regardless of the outcome I'm sure you were changed forever. God truly is the master planner and nothing goes unnoticed. He sees it all, knows your pain and gives the strength to continue the journey knowing that someday you will see your loved one again when you too arrive at your final destination. How blessed we are to be children of God.
I have seen such compassion and caring from all of the people who know about our circumstance and I am in awe of the love extended to us. There are far too many people who do not know the love and fellowship of children of God. It is a shame because until they come to know the Lord in a personal way they will never experience true, lasting joy. His love is there for everyone but they need to seek Him, it is that easy.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Seek and You Will Find
People all through out the earth
wander aimlessly
Searching where they should not go,
ignoring HIStory
Looking for a way to fill
the void within their souls
but nothing ever seems to help them
fill the empty holes.
Headed down life’s road alone,
no purpose or direction
Hoping that around the bend
awaits for them perfection
The perfect mate, the perfect house,
the perfect job and more
not knowing that perfection
has been knocking on their door
Material possessions
will not fill their emptiness
Nor will the load of things they own
bring them peace or rest.
Destruction, shame and misery
await them on their course
For there is nothing they can do
UNTIL THEY FEEL REMORSE.
It is then when they repent
of all the sin they bear
That Jesus Christ will come to them
and lift their load of care
No longer plagued by emptiness
their searching days will end
When hearts that once were empty
on Christ learn to depend
Off to the WCI for a blood test and oncologist appointment. Keith appears to be doing very well so I am curious to see what his blood stats will show today.
He has been spending more time in his office over the last week and that is a very good sign.
I shall return!
January 18, 2012
I'm baaack!
Keith's blood work was great. We are both happy about that and feeling very positive about this battle. His third round of chemo is coming up Monday and it is not quite so scary, for me, this time. We realize there could still be setbacks but, given how he has handled the first two treatments, we are hopeful that the rest will go as smoothly.
In my darkest moments I have felt the presence of God carrying us through this journey. It has changed us both, and will probably continue to do so, but I feel far less fearful than I did, initially. I'm not sure Keith was ever fearful, he didn't let on if he was, he tends not to share that kind of thing. I truly believe that God will bring us out of this victorious. GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!
Keith is chomping at the bit to get back to work and hopes to start the beginning of February. I pray he is able to because I think it will help us both to feel like life is returning to normal. Of course normal is relative in our house. What is normal for us might seem a little 'out there' for others...lol.
Maybe, we can even start to plan our Mediterranean cruise again. What a joyous vacation that will be when Keith is CURED. Life should be lived as if you only have today. Show love, kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and love. Yes I know I said love twice that's because it is the most important, without love the rest mean nothing.
Some of you have traveled this road before us and understand the angst that comes with the journey. However, every ending is different in it's own way, whether your loved one was cured or went home to be with the Lord, there were tears of joy or sorrow. My sister lost her husband to cancer a few years ago and has been very understanding and helpful to me. Those who have lost a child to this dreadful disease, my heart goes out to you above all, no one wants to bury their child. Those who have lost spouses, parents or siblings are stronger than many but regardless of the outcome I'm sure you were changed forever. God truly is the master planner and nothing goes unnoticed. He sees it all, knows your pain and gives the strength to continue the journey knowing that someday you will see your loved one again when you too arrive at your final destination. How blessed we are to be children of God.
I have seen such compassion and caring from all of the people who know about our circumstance and I am in awe of the love extended to us. There are far too many people who do not know the love and fellowship of children of God. It is a shame because until they come to know the Lord in a personal way they will never experience true, lasting joy. His love is there for everyone but they need to seek Him, it is that easy.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Seek and You Will Find
People all through out the earth
wander aimlessly
Searching where they should not go,
ignoring HIStory
Looking for a way to fill
the void within their souls
but nothing ever seems to help them
fill the empty holes.
Headed down life’s road alone,
no purpose or direction
Hoping that around the bend
awaits for them perfection
The perfect mate, the perfect house,
the perfect job and more
not knowing that perfection
has been knocking on their door
Material possessions
will not fill their emptiness
Nor will the load of things they own
bring them peace or rest.
Destruction, shame and misery
await them on their course
For there is nothing they can do
UNTIL THEY FEEL REMORSE.
It is then when they repent
of all the sin they bear
That Jesus Christ will come to them
and lift their load of care
No longer plagued by emptiness
their searching days will end
When hearts that once were empty
on Christ learn to depend
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Best Medicine Is Not In A Bottle
January 12, 2012
Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Alrighty then (as Jim Carrey said in one of his movies) I mention change and the next thing I know it feels like it's raining fifty cent pieces and I have neither an umbrella or a bucket. An umbrella to protect myself from the sting would be nice but if I have to be pelted by 'change' then a bucket would be nice, at least I could benefit from the pain...lol. I came home after my counseling session, Thursday, to find that my mom was not feeling well and I had to call 911. She was looking very pale, was cold and clammy to the touch, was shaky and had a bout of the dry heaves. When the EMT(s) arrived, after checking her stats, they immediately hooked her up to a machine to shock her heart. I felt so sorry for my mother. Although the EMT(s) were very gentle in their manor they told her that what they were about to do was going to hurt, but it was necessary to get her heart beat regulated. She shook her head, in the affirmative, and they proceeded, at which time, she jerked, screamed and then sobbed inconsolably. I held onto her feet, (the only part of her frail little body I had access to) rubbing them gently while trying to calm her. It seemed to help but just as she relaxed they informed her they had to do it again. My heart broke for her. She looked pitiful and helpless and it tore me up knowing they had to hurt her again. After the second shock they got her in the ambulance and took her to the hospital. I followed in my car, Keith said he felt well enough to be alone for a while, and urged me to be with my Mom. It was determined that she was in Afib/Aflutter and was given medicine to help regulate the rhythm. By the time I was allowed to see her she was looking much better, acting like herself and was even able to find humor in her situation. However, she was still not in full sinus rhythm. Speaking of humor, after I left, my brother was teasing my mom about the socks she was wearing, which were pink and striped. He pulled the covers off of her feet and commented that the last time he saw socks like hers they were sticking out from under a house (Wizard of Oz). She started laughing and evidently her laughter had a positive affect on her heart. The nurse commented when he came into the room that her heart was back in sinus rhythm and asked when it had happened. My sister told him about my brother joking with her and he said that was probably what put her heart back on track. Thank God for a sense of humor, it can break through tension, fear, sadness and anger and, it seems, have a profound affect on a person's health.
Fast forward to the following morning. I called the hospital and, upon speaking with her nurse and asking how my mother was doing, was informed that she was doing terrible. Well, after getting my heart out of my throat, I immediately asked what she meant. Was her health declining or was there something else going on? The nurse said, in a very exasperated voice, they had to restrain my (110lb) mother because she kept pulling her IV out and was also being very nasty. My first thought was if I could have reached through the phone they would have had to restrain me from doing something that I'm sure I would have regretted. That nurse needs to learn how NOT to frighten people. Don't get me wrong, my mom can be aggravating, I have been on the receiving end many times, and though there is never a good reason to treat people rudely, she has Alzheimer's and they were well aware of that fact. I then let the nurse know I would be there asap. So, without benefit of a shower I slapped on a minimum amount of warpaint, didn't want to frighten anyone on the heart floor, I figured they all had probably been shocked enough recently, and headed out the door. Within 10 minutes I was at my mom's bedside. She was fit to be tied (literally), oh that's right she already was, as a matter of fact I was pretty sure at any moment her head might spin 360 degrees. It took me quite awhile to calm her down and get her to understand why she was restrained but even then she was not exactly Miss Congeniality. I later found out the doctor had ordered a sedative and she does not react well to this type of medication. A little while later my sister arrived and the two of us joked, hours past, the drug wore off and my tiny little mom no longer seemed to need an exorcist.
After being in the hospital for four days she is now home peacefully sleeping in her own bed. There will be therapy to regain her strength and hopefully she will get back to at least the state she was in before the heart issue made itself known. The next few days will be difficult. She received a shot of Heparin before leaving the hospital, which has the potential to make any bleeding injury much more serious. To say I am not concerned would be a lie but I am hopeful that we will all transition with a modicum of discomfort. As I've said before, life goes on and we will get through this latest setback, hopefully, while retaining our sense of humor. It seems that laughter really is the best medicine.
Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Alrighty then (as Jim Carrey said in one of his movies) I mention change and the next thing I know it feels like it's raining fifty cent pieces and I have neither an umbrella or a bucket. An umbrella to protect myself from the sting would be nice but if I have to be pelted by 'change' then a bucket would be nice, at least I could benefit from the pain...lol. I came home after my counseling session, Thursday, to find that my mom was not feeling well and I had to call 911. She was looking very pale, was cold and clammy to the touch, was shaky and had a bout of the dry heaves. When the EMT(s) arrived, after checking her stats, they immediately hooked her up to a machine to shock her heart. I felt so sorry for my mother. Although the EMT(s) were very gentle in their manor they told her that what they were about to do was going to hurt, but it was necessary to get her heart beat regulated. She shook her head, in the affirmative, and they proceeded, at which time, she jerked, screamed and then sobbed inconsolably. I held onto her feet, (the only part of her frail little body I had access to) rubbing them gently while trying to calm her. It seemed to help but just as she relaxed they informed her they had to do it again. My heart broke for her. She looked pitiful and helpless and it tore me up knowing they had to hurt her again. After the second shock they got her in the ambulance and took her to the hospital. I followed in my car, Keith said he felt well enough to be alone for a while, and urged me to be with my Mom. It was determined that she was in Afib/Aflutter and was given medicine to help regulate the rhythm. By the time I was allowed to see her she was looking much better, acting like herself and was even able to find humor in her situation. However, she was still not in full sinus rhythm. Speaking of humor, after I left, my brother was teasing my mom about the socks she was wearing, which were pink and striped. He pulled the covers off of her feet and commented that the last time he saw socks like hers they were sticking out from under a house (Wizard of Oz). She started laughing and evidently her laughter had a positive affect on her heart. The nurse commented when he came into the room that her heart was back in sinus rhythm and asked when it had happened. My sister told him about my brother joking with her and he said that was probably what put her heart back on track. Thank God for a sense of humor, it can break through tension, fear, sadness and anger and, it seems, have a profound affect on a person's health.
Fast forward to the following morning. I called the hospital and, upon speaking with her nurse and asking how my mother was doing, was informed that she was doing terrible. Well, after getting my heart out of my throat, I immediately asked what she meant. Was her health declining or was there something else going on? The nurse said, in a very exasperated voice, they had to restrain my (110lb) mother because she kept pulling her IV out and was also being very nasty. My first thought was if I could have reached through the phone they would have had to restrain me from doing something that I'm sure I would have regretted. That nurse needs to learn how NOT to frighten people. Don't get me wrong, my mom can be aggravating, I have been on the receiving end many times, and though there is never a good reason to treat people rudely, she has Alzheimer's and they were well aware of that fact. I then let the nurse know I would be there asap. So, without benefit of a shower I slapped on a minimum amount of warpaint, didn't want to frighten anyone on the heart floor, I figured they all had probably been shocked enough recently, and headed out the door. Within 10 minutes I was at my mom's bedside. She was fit to be tied (literally), oh that's right she already was, as a matter of fact I was pretty sure at any moment her head might spin 360 degrees. It took me quite awhile to calm her down and get her to understand why she was restrained but even then she was not exactly Miss Congeniality. I later found out the doctor had ordered a sedative and she does not react well to this type of medication. A little while later my sister arrived and the two of us joked, hours past, the drug wore off and my tiny little mom no longer seemed to need an exorcist.
After being in the hospital for four days she is now home peacefully sleeping in her own bed. There will be therapy to regain her strength and hopefully she will get back to at least the state she was in before the heart issue made itself known. The next few days will be difficult. She received a shot of Heparin before leaving the hospital, which has the potential to make any bleeding injury much more serious. To say I am not concerned would be a lie but I am hopeful that we will all transition with a modicum of discomfort. As I've said before, life goes on and we will get through this latest setback, hopefully, while retaining our sense of humor. It seems that laughter really is the best medicine.
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